Did you have a year that matters?

In January 2013, I read one of Umair Hague's blogs in the Harvard Business Review. It was called  "How to have a year that matters."  In the article he challenged his readers to ask themselves several questions. Why are you here? What do you want? How much does it matter? What’s it going to take? Who’s on your side? Where’s your true north? What breaks your heart? What’s it worth?

For each question, he offered his thoughts, which were intended to challenge his readers to reflect. As I reflect on my own year, I wanted to share with you both his thoughts and my own, and perhaps in doing so it will lead you to reflect on your own year,  your life, and the decisions you will make in the new year.

 Why are you here?  Hague offers the suggestion that we are here to live a life that feels fully worth living. I agree with Hague, a life worth living... One that has purpose, one that positions us to do good for others, one that surrounds us with the people that mean the most to us, one in which we wake each day excited to see what awaits us. Too often we live our lives taking things and people for granted. We think that our life will always be the way it is now, but the truth is without attention, work, and care we risk losing those things that matter most. Instead we need to remember that if we truly value what we have, we need to work everyday to keep it. Each day is a gift, we do not know what tomorrow will hold so we need to take advantage of every moment we have with those we care the most about... by  cultivating and caring for those relationships with mentors, friends, and loved ones we can ensure that we have a life worth living.

What do you want? Hague wants to make a difference, to build that which counts, to experience what’s true, to do stuff that matters. Well said Umair. I agree completely!! What I want is to live a life with purpose, surrounded by positive people that want to love and be loved, to experience life to its fullest and most importantly, to make a difference in our world. For me, that starts with those around me, the kids in my school, the teachers I work with, those I advise, train, support, and mentor. Gandhi said, be the change you want to see in the world. The change I want to see in the world involves our kids, not just my own, but all of our kids, especially those that face a world of challenges... Because it is those kids that need us the most.  Understanding what I want has not come easy though, at different times in my life, I would have found it difficult to say what is was that I truly wanted. I was trapped in the day to day grind of doing work, but it wasn't until I began to reflect on the work I was doing that I realized I wasn't doing the right work. To truly live life to the fullest, you need to look beyond the limited scope of yourself and your own perspective, you need to begin to see a bigger picture, see possibilities, to see potential in people, and to see potential in yourself. When I moved beyond a life focused on status and stuff and moved towards a life full of meaning and purpose, I began to experience more clarity and gained a greater understanding of what I really wanted out of life. I owe some of that to people who saw in me more than I saw myself, people that believed I was capable of doing and being more than I was. That gave me confidence to step outside of the box I had created for myself, my safety zone, and once I did, my world opened up and I am a different person because of that, because of them.

How much does it matter?  Hague believes it means a lot if you want this to be a year that one day you don’t just remember, but that you still savor. My life over the past year has been one of amazing highs and devastating lows. Challenges that tested me to the very core of my being and rewards to bring me to great heights. Professional success on the heels of personal loss. My father, a very strong man, one that encouraged me to never give up on my dreams, and often served as my motivating force in this professional journey became very ill in March and in early October his body and his spirit grew too tired to continue to fight, he passed peacefully with my mother at his side. Much of the past year, I spent trying to balance the demands of full time work, full time school, and visits in and out of the intensive care unit. I reflect on all that has happened over the year, all the successes can easily be dulled by the sadness of my loss and yet the memory of my father and his belief that life must go on prevents me from allowing loss to cast a shadow on the light that shines within, a light I know he will help me continue to share with those around me... so how much does it matter? It matters a lot!

What’s it going to take?  Hague explains that you don’t get to a life well lived using tired capabilities. You need to “use” not just your whole mind, but to learn to employ your whole being: mind, heart, soul, and body and the arts of empathy, humility, passion, imagination, and rebellion. Based on my life this past year, I would add resiliency, perseverance, and patience. Thankfully, I have been able to muster much of what has been needed to do what it takes. However, it would be unfair to not give credit to those that have been by my side in this journey; my family, my friends, my co-workers and mentor, and the man that has served as my source of strength when I think I can't handle one more burden, my confidence when I think I can't take on one more task, he keeps me calm when my life seems out of control, he is my best friend, and the love of my life. While I know it takes an internal strength and determination to accomplish your goals, having a person in your life that truly believes in you and helps you be the best person you can be makes the challenges we may face a lot easier to deal with.

Who’s on your side?  Hague explains if you’re going to make a difference, you’re probably not going to make it happen all by your lonesome. Instead he challenges us to inspire and connect — and then, harder still, evoke the best in people. For it is the best in us that, in turn, elevates our capacity to love; the truest currency of a life well lived. And so respect is earned — and love given — not just to those who pander, but those who matter. As you can tell, what it takes and who is on your side overlap for me because I believe that "What it takes" can only be accomplished when we connect to others, we can't do anything alone. We all need other people in our life, otherwise we are not really living a life with purpose and meaning. So who is on my side... lots of people! I have been very fortunate to have several mentors guide my professional career, friends to make the journey a little easier, and loved ones to help keep me sane along the path. But with all of the challenges I have faced in the past few years, I think the one that has helped me the most is the man in my life. But whenever I try to credit him for my success, he tells me that he simply helped me believe in myself enough to allow what was always inside of me to shine through.  He truly is my hero.

Where’s your true north?  Hague asks in what direction do you find the stuff that makes life “good”? For me true north points in the direction of the people I love. In the end it is not the job we do that matters, it is not the money we make or the stuff we have, rather it is the love we share with others that will determine the richness of our lives. If my father taught me anything in his last months with us, it was the importance of being with the people we care most about, so my true north will always take me towards them.

What breaks your heart?  Hague also asks, what is it that breaks your heart about the world? It’s there that you begin to find what moves you. Look at a someone that has lost hope, that feels that their life lacks meaning or purpose, that they have no value... That breaks my heart. When that person is a child or someone I love... the heartache is beyond explanation.

What’s it worth?  Hague explains that a life well lived is going to take more than the tired old refrains of hard work, dedication, commitment, and perseverance. It’s going to take very real heartbreak, sorrow, grief, and disappointment. Only you can decide how much is too much. Is it worth it? The day my father passed away I was in class. He was in the hospital but we all expected him to recover from the pnemonia that was the cause of last visit to the emergency room. My brother was at the hospital and told me that he was resting easily and that he would stay with my father until I could join him after class. My father passed without ever waking from his morning slumber. I battled with my own sense of guilt about how I should have been there instead of being in school. Yet it was my father that made me promise not to let his illness prevent me from finishing this program, telling me he would never forgive himself if I quit (he was really good a dishing out the Jewish guilt!) So he would not have been happy to have had me miss class to be there. Is this worth it? My time in this program interferes with the time I have to spend with loved ones and family. Is it worth it? Sometimes I wonder. And then, I remember how my father cried when he saw me in my cap and gown and told me how he has never been more proud of me because the work I was doing would change the lives of kids that really needed me. And then I think of my daughter telling me how I inspire her to succeed, because if I can do this then she can. And then I think of my incredible man that tells me how proud he is of me and how I am the bravest woman he has ever met because I am not afraid to pursue my dreams. And I stop wondering if it is worth it... because, as hard as it is, as much as I have had to sacrifice, with the sorrow and grief, it IS WORTH IT.

This reflection was an attempt to determine if I had a year that matters. I have... it has been wonderful and terrible, challenging, and exhausting... but I am living a life that matters, full of purpose and meaning. I do not know what the coming year will bring but considering the past year I think I am up for whatever may come my way. And whatever that is, I know I will make sure that it matters.

Did you have a year that mattered? If not, what are you going to do this year to make sure that you do?