Helping Military Children Prepare for the First Day of School

To see Educator Resource Guide

Going back to school can be both exciting and also scary for kids as they acclimate themselves to new classmates, teachers, and routines. However for some of the students that will sitting in our classrooms when school resumes, the "scariness" of back to school is compounded by the fact that least one of their parents is not with them to help deal with the transition. This fall thousands of children from military families will be returning to school wondering when their mom or dad will return.

As an educator, it is important to know how we can help make that transition easier for the children of our military families. The above resource offers information designed to help educators understand military lingo, provides resources for both the teacher as well as books to use to help classmates understand what is happening, and countless activities designed to help our military children adjust to school at a time that is already extremely stressful.

During the various phases of the deployment cycle, students may be experiencing a variety of emotions and behaviors. It is important for educators to create open channels of communication with family members, remembering that ALL members of the family are experiencing challenges during this time of instability. The needs of the family will vary depending on existing support systems, (See guide for suggested resources) however if the teacher and school actively engage military family members, then they can work together to ensure that the children are receiving the support that they need in order to be successful. 

Website to Support Military Children

When a child comes into our classrooms experience hardship or challenges it is up to us to ensure that they receive the support that they need to be successful. When the children are the children of the brave men and woman serving our country in the armed forces, we each have a greater responsibility to take care of these kids... they are, after all, the children of heroes!

This blog is dedicated to the men and woman serving on the USS George H.W. Bush:

 Ship's Official Website

The Leadership Ambition Gap

My passion and the topic of the Ph.D. research is woman in leadership. This topic is close to my heart for many reasons... including the fact that I have two daughters in very male dominated careers (one has a degree in Industrial Engineering, the other has a degree in Criminal Justice). I have seen time and time again the obstacles they continue to face in their careers. Mistakenly, I thought it would be different in education, especially considering more than 80% of the people in education are females. However, if you look at top level leadership positions, the percentage of female leaders is not much higher than in most of other industries.

I could go on and on, however the purpose of this blog is to introduce some of the topics in Sheryl Sandberg's book Lean In.  In her book, Sandberg talks about how she and other women of her generation grew up with the idealistic notion that she had endless opportunites open to her. At no point did she consider that someday she may be expected to have to balance career and family. She explained that "integrating professional and personal aspirations proved far more challenging than we had imagined."

Despite the fact that woman earn 57% of the undergraduate degrees, and 60% of the master's degrees, woman often find that in their attempt to "have it all" something has to give, and often that something is career. This reality has manifested itself in a narrowing pipeline with many qualified females entering the job market but by the time that pipeline is filling leadership positions the pool of woman has been significantly reduced due in part to what Sandberg calls the "Leadership Ambition Gap".
While many woman are as professionally ambitions as men, research shows that fewer woman seek  senior level jobs. Studies also show that woman "are less likely than their male peers to characterize themselves as leaders, visionaries, self-confident, and willing to take risks" (p. 16).  

With more men striving for leadership roles, it is not surprising that they far out number women, especially considering some of the challenges that women must still overcome.  According to Sandberg this pattern starts long before women enter the workforce, in fact researchers argue it starts as early as kindergarten, when girls overwhelming choose being a mommy over being the president. Society often supports this expectation. Professional ambition is expected of men where as it is often seen as optional for women. Moreover, when a women is seen as ambitious, it is often seen in a negative light... "She is very ambitious" is not a compliment in our culture. Professional accomplishments of men are celebrated, whereas, when women experience professional accomplishments, society will question the "cost" of those accomplishments. Society expects women to marry and raise a family and when professional accomplishments interfere with those societal expectations, the "cost" is seen as being too great.

For most men, ambition means that they achieve desired goals in their career. However ambition for women may include climbing the corporate ladder, raising children, seeking personal fulfillment, contributing to society, and improving the lives of others. I do not in any way mean to imply that men do not aspire to these same goals, rather that the cultural messages we send to our children are that society expects this more of women than of men. 

We need to reflect on the cultural messages we are sending to our children. Girls that assert themselves and take charge are often called "bossy," very seldom if ever would a boy be called bossy for assuming a leadership role. Girls are given dolls to practice their role as mothers whereas boys are given tools to practice doing jobs that they may have later in life. Boys are superheroes while girls are princesses. What messages do these gender-biased practices send to our girls?

Closing the Leadership Ambition Gap will not happen based on what women do today, rather to truly change, we need to look at the messages we, as a society, continue to send to our girls. We need to let our girls wear capes, not call them bossy when they are taking the lead, let them know it's OK to be ambitious, and most importantly when they do grow up to assume that leadership role, we need to stop calling them the "Head Bitch in Charge" because this not only hurts our girls, it hurts our society.

The Anticipation is Killing Me!!!

This has become my motto this summer as I patiently wait for what's to come. For the past two years I have undergone rigorous training to become a turn around leader. This training included both classwork and field work in one of our district's neediest schools. While completing the field work, I was able to initiate programs and procedures designed to strategically target the schools needs. I worked with the school's staff and leadership, and designed a plan to ensure that the program continued after my field work was completed. The programs worked... Moving the school up two letter grades on the state evaluation system. So now that I have finished my training, I wait to see where the road will take me, my next steps, believing that when the time is right I will move into a leadership position.  

Unfortunately, patience has never been one of my virtues. I was the kid that used to go searching under beds for holiday gifts, the one that has to show someone their gift as soon as I buy it and the one that believes in the saying "dessert first" after all who wants to wait for dinner when there is chocolate to be had!!!

Although now, with things beyond my control, I need to have faith that when the time is right I will get there. They tell me to breathe, to relax, that they know I am ready and that my time is coming soon. They tell me to have patience. I'm trying! Boy, am I trying but the anticipation is killing me!!

Happy Fathers Day

This weekend was not only the first Father's day since my father passed away, it would have also been his 76 birthday. However, rather than mourning, we decided to spend the weekend doing something my dad would have loved. As a child, we would spend part of every summer at the beach. We would rise with the sun and head to the shore in search of the biggest shells we could find. Those mornings with dad were precious, we would chase crabs back to the sea and splash about in the waves for hours.Those are happy memories... perhaps the reason  that even to this day I find the beach to be my peaceful escape whenever I need a break. I feel blessed to have those happy memories... but I also can't help but wonder how many little girls were missing their daddies this Father's Day. How many of our nation's children were sending skype messages to their dads who are serving in our armed forces over seas? How many of our children are growing up without a "father" role model in their life? I am blessed to have had the opportunity to make memories with my dad and I will continue to hope that all children missing their dads on this fathers day will soon have their dads home with them. May God keep our military out of harms way, so that they can return home to make memories with their children.

Dedicated to our nation's Military Dads... Happy Father's Day.

Life-Changing Experiences Ahead

Well it is official... after two years, I have completed my specialized Turn-Around leadership training. The Principal Rapid Orientation and Preparation in Educational Leadership (PROPEL) program is designed to create leaders with the skills needed to work in my district's neediest schools. Our final course in Critical Urban Education was the end of a rigorous fast-paced program, during which I earned my degree in Educational Leadership along with both my Level 1 & Level 2 (Principal) credentials. So now that I am done....what's next?

Now the process begins....While I have my principal credentials, I will still need Assistant Principal experience before I am ready to take the helm of my own school. So my application for Assistant Principal positions is in the process of being "tweeked". Included is the extensive list of trainings with more than a dozen leadership trainings with the Center for Leadership and Learning, DDI training, SREB training, Marzano's Interrater Reliabilty Training, trainings in Data Teams and " Visible Learning". We studied Strategic Leadership, learned change theory, and all about 90-90-90 Schools. I understand how to build internal and external relationships, cultivate partnerships, and can develop a marketing plan that would rival an ad agency. More importantly, the PROPEL program was designed so that we gained real- world practical experience as learned about and applied the theories being taught in class. If you followed my blog over the past two years, you will see how these experiences have changed my thinking and ignited in me a desire to make a difference for a group of students that needs a leader with all the tools they can possible have!!

So... Its time to take the next step... to venture off in a new direction. This blog will continue to evolve as I transition into an official leadership role, and as I continue to learn and grow as a leader. As a life-long learner I have plans to continue on in school...working on my Ph.D.  All the classes I have taken this past year are part of that program, but I suspect it will take another 4 years to complete my Ph.D, so grad school will be in my future for a while! For now, I will begin applying for positions and hope that I will be placed wherever I can do the most good for children. Changes are in store, and I am looking forward to the ride!!!

Relationships and Leadership

Successful leaders need to be able to cultivate and nurture relationships. While this is true for leaders, it is equally true for us as individuals. On March 31st, the Huffington Post published an article called 8 Signs You're In The Right Relationship. According to the author, the 8 telling signs are designed to provide more concrete proof that you are with that special person. As I read the article, I reflected on a past relationship... Based on the fact that very few, if any, of the "signs" existed, it is no wonder that things worked out the way they did. On the other hand, almost all of the signs do exist in my current relationship, so if I view the information as truthful, I'm hopeful that I got it right this time around!!

Of course, as is often the case, when I reflect on what I have read, I relate it to all aspects of my life. This was no different. So taking a little creative liberty with the content of the article by rephrasing it to address leadership relationships, here are signs that you have a positive relationship with individuals in your work place:

1. You know what your staff needs to feel appreciated, even if those needs are different than yours. (Try reading  "The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace:Empowering Organizations by Encouraging People" by Gary Chapman and Paul White)

2. Conflicts are handled in a respectful and productive manner. Try reading "Working with Difficult People" by Muriel Soloman.

3. The relationship bolsters each person's self-esteem.

4. You are different enough to bring new perspectives, but on the same page where it matters most.

5. You are willing to put "we" before "me." There is a commitment to the greater good.

6. There is a genuine concern and emotional response when the person is not around.

Obviously, some if the signs in the article are NOT appropriate for the workplace, but the desire to put the people and the relationships with the people we work with in the forefront is essential if we hope to develop the relationships that can transform our schools.This focus on the development and well being of others and the desire to serve is consistent  with a model of leadership known as Servant leadership.

 Greenleaf Center for Servant Leadership is an organization designed to share information about aspects of Servant Leadership. They offer a multitude of training materials, have a wide selection of books and even host an annual conference. Building effective relationships is crucial for all leaders, but for leaders in "Turn-Around" schools relationships are even more important.

What defines me?

This was the question that inspired another project for my Critical Urban Ed class, which has turned out to be more of an exploration of self-discovery than anything else. I suppose we need to know how to relate and connect with our own culture before we can expect to connect with anothers. Anyway this week we were to create a "Culture Chest." The outside was to reflect how the world perceives us and the inside was to include items that reflected who we really are as a person. Figuring out what to put in my box that would define who I am was challenging except for one thing... My girls. They mean the world to me... One thing that defines me is the fact that I am their mother. Rather than putting a ton of pictures, I created this video... It focuses on their time participating in band activities since I was a band mom, not just for my own kids but also for the hundreds of kids they marched with over the years. We spent more than 10 years being involved in band programs, including the years my girls spent marching with the world class Boston Crusaders Drum & Bugle Corp.

My Culture & My Father are leading me to become a Turn-Around Leader

The broad definition of culture has to do with the beliefs and behaviors of a group based on an individual’s race, religion, or age. My culture is deeply rooted in my religious upbringing and the beliefs that my family engrained in me throughout my entire life. So how is my culture leading me to become a Turn Around Leader? Let me explain...

I am currently taking a course at FAU called Critical Urban Education. An amazing class for anyone working with students in an urban environment. Actually, I think it is a class that every educator should take. The class is forcing us to examine our own culture and beliefs in order to examine how personal bias impacts our professional practice. One of the assignments for the course has us writing an Epistemology which is forcing us to examine who we are and how our experiences impact our thinking and belief systems. It has been an emotionally challenging assignment, as I recall experiences of my youth that I have not considered for years. I was forced to recall experiences with discrimination that my family and I have faced. Events of my past that have shaped me as a person and experiences with my father that I realize now have influenced my desire to become a turn-around leader. These stories have been hard to recall because it makes me realize how much I wish I would have had this realization while my father was still alive. I wish I would have had the opportunity to share this with him before he died. Perhaps in sharing with you, it is my way of putting the words out in the universe in hopes that somehow they will reach him and he will know what a positive influence he has been in my life.

  How my culture and my father are leading me to become a turn-around leader... My story:      

         I grew up in a traditional middle-class neighborhood even though we were the only Jewish family on my block; the neighbors never seemed to treat us any different. They did wonder why we had no Christmas tree or Christmas lights. I remember feeling like there was something wrong with us that we didn’t celebrate Christmas. So my father let us put up stockings on Christmas Eve and told us that “Hanukkah Hank” would visit all the Jewish children to leave us candy and “gelt” in our stockings. I guess this was his way of trying to help us feel like we fit in. He also made sure that everyone joined in for our celebration of Hanukkah. We would host huge Hanukkah parties. There would be 80-90 people in the house, the yard, everywhere. He would buy dreidels and chocolate gelt for everyone, and my mother would peel 50 pounds of potatoes to make latkes. They would have gifts for all the children too. Everyone loved our parties. I remember that all my friends would tell me how they were glad that they had a Jewish friend because they got to celebrate more holidays with us. It was important to my dad that we felt comfortable with our roots, so he welcomed everyone that wanted to be part of our celebrations.
          My earliest memories of my childhood always included large gatherings of family and friends throughout the year. Around our table always sat members of our extended family, neighborhood friends and sometimes people my father welcomed into our home for a family meal. I remember my father telling us that it is a blessing to share what we have with others. He would give the shirt off his back, if there was someone that needed it more than he did. So if he met someone that he believed could use a good meal, he would invite them to our house. We were told to welcome these guests as family, so we did. These strangers were called aunt or uncle and were often very different from any of our real relatives, and yet they joined in our meal and festivities and enjoyed their time at our family dinners. Over the years, our table often included some regular guests, our “uncles” that had joined our family for meals so many times they had truly become part of the family. We were also welcome to bring our friends to join our family meal, so the family dinner table regularly included 10-12 people. Considering there were only five of us, there were a lot of extra mouths my mother was feeding each week. She seemed to enjoy it though.

As a result of my parent’s efforts to share our traditions with our friends and neighbors, I was able to embrace our culture. I am not sure if this was something my parents would have done anyway, or if it was the result of our early encounters with extreme prejudice that made my parents so intent on making sure others understood our traditions. Either way, my parents helped us accept who we are and made sure that we understood that it was ok to embrace our culture. They would remind of us frequently of our heritage and insist we not forget because doing so would mean that others might forget… And according to my parents’ teachings it was our responsibility to ensure that we never let anyone forget the cruelty our ancestors faced in the hands of their oppressors.

When I was a child, my father ran the poverty program for the City of Miami. I am not sure what department he worked with other than to say it was the poverty program. His department was responsible for funding community programs and services. The liaisons in his office worked with various organizations and he often visited these agencies to discuss funding needs. I remember going with my father to the courthouse in down town Miami during the summer when we were off from school. The big city, with all the tall skyscrapers was my first exposure to what I would call an urban environment. My brother and I would fly paper airplanes from the top of courthouse building and go with my father when he visited agencies and projects in the downtown area. I remember thinking how cool it was that artist decorated the buildings (the graffiti art). The people we would meet were always nice to my father, and I often recognized the people my father would invite to our home on Friday nights. I remember the strange looks we would get when we called them “uncle” and gave them hugs.

            My early understanding of the need that existed in these urban areas was one in which I recognized that despite need, there was still a sense of pride and family commitment. My father would tell us that we were lucky that we had enough to share, that not everyone did. He also stressed that if you have enough to share, that it is our moral responsibility to do so. He would tell us how fortunate he felt to have a job that would allow him to help people that needed a little help. He always made sure we understood that everyone we met deserved respect, that just because these people were struggling a little or a lot did not mean that they did not deserve our respect. His favorite speech always started with “there for the grace of god go I” and usually ended with “as long as I have enough to share with those in need I will and I expect you to do the same.” This is so deeply engrained in me that I have always believed that all people, no matter their circumstances deserve to be treated with respect and that those that have been faced with the greatest challenges may need that respect even more than others. My father would remind us that the discrimination some people face today is not unlike the discrimination that my people have faced in the past. He would tell us that if we allow others to believe it OK to discriminate against people based of race, religion, or whatever makes them different, then we are sending the message that this behavior is acceptable and justified. My people, my ancestors, members of my own family were killed in the witness of those that stood by and did nothing. 

             My understanding of the word “urban” and the people that live in urban environments is based on these early experiences with my father. The belief that all individuals, regardless of their circumstances deserve our respect and help if we are in a position to offer it also comes from my early experiences with my father. While, I have always felt a passion to work with those that need my help the most, it is only now, after doing the personal reflection required for this assignment that I truly understand my deep inner motivation to become a turn-around leader. You could say, I was bred to be a turn-around leader. That it is who I was brought up to be, and it is what my father would expect of me. I only wish I had this realization before my father passed away this past October, I think it would have made him very proud to know that my desire to be a turn-around leader is based on what I learned from him.

 


                              In loving memory of my father Paul Kussner

Broward County Teacher Conference

I am very honored to have been selected to present at the 3rd Annual Broward County Public School's Strive for Excellence Teacher Conference taking place at Dillard High School on May 3, 2014. I will be presenting a session along with two of my PROPEL Cohort 2 Colleagues.

Description of our Session:
Using the Common Core Standards, we will show teachers how to use student data and feedback to drive rich, relevant instruction for all learners so that they remain engaged in the curriculum. By utilizing student data, interests and brain based activities, teachers will be able to present purposeful, meaningful and memorable lessons that will positively impact student learning.

For more information or to register for the conference, visit the following site:
Office of Talent & Development Strive for Excellence Teacher Conference

Next Steps...

 

I have a little over a month and a half before I complete Phase 2 of the Principal Rapid Orientation and Preparation in Educational Leadership (PROPEL) Program. By May 1st, I will have completed the two-year program and will have earned my Level 2 Principal Credentials.  The program has been intense, demanding, and perhaps the most valuable experience of my life. The intensive "Turn-Around Leadership"training funded by a Race to the Top Grant was designed to prepare my Cohort to work in the most needy schools in our district. I am anxious to put this training to use, having had an opportunity to do a 25 day apprenticeship in a "turn-around" school during this second phase of the program. However, despite the new challenges I will face as I move into the next leadership position, I can't help but reflect on how much I have enjoyed being fully immersed in academic pursuits. Don't get me wrong, working full time and grad school full time has not been easy, but I have loved every minute of it and I am sure I will miss that aspect of the program. 

So... I have decided to take the next step. I am enrolling in a Ph. D Educational Leadership Program. That means 3-5 more years of classes every Saturday. Many have asked me, "Aren't you tired? Don't you want a break?" Others have asked about the personal sacrifices to my family and friends. While I am tired, I still love it. As for the sacrifices, I fortunate that my family is encouraging me to continue my schooling. As for the love of my life, well he thinks I am crazy, but he is proud of me and supportive. I couldn't ask for any more! 

So the journey continues.

Life is a Roller Coaster

Roller Coasters... they are unpredictable... they have ups and downs, loops and twists and lots of wild turns. They start out slow and just when you think you have everything under control the bottom falls away and off you go again. Some people love roller coasters... they make their heart beat fast, get their adrenaline flowing, it's full of excitement. Others feel sick, their heads spin, their stomach is in their throat, and they can't wait for the ride to be over. When I was young, I used to love roller coasters especially the kind you ride in the dark. They were both terrifying and exciting all at the same time.

So why the talk about roller coasters?? Well perhaps it's because I have come to realize that Life is a lot like roller coasters... it's unpredictable, can be full of excitement, it can make your head spin... and sometimes it can make you sick to your stomach. Life, like a roller coaster... once the ride has begun there is not much you can do but enjoy it or scream until its over.

Riding the coaster...There are days when I feel totally ready for the twists and turns coming my way... and then there are days when they catch me by surprise. There are days when I embrace the ride with a full grin, and times when I want to cry out loud. It's both terrifying and exciting. Life is like a roller coaster ride... with all the ups and downs, twists and turns, it best when it's shared with a friend.

I hope that on my Roller Coaster of Life, my riding partner and I can be together through all the ups and downs and at the end of the ride, we will look back and say...
"Now THAT was a GREAT ride!"

A Friendship Blessing

There is a Celtic tradition that says if you share goodness and happiness with others, it will be returned back to you multiplied 10,000 times. The notion of Karma highlights how one's actions will influence their future. The Law of attraction is the name given to the belief that "like attracts like" and that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts, one can bring about positive or negative results.

One needn't look far to see how popular this topic is, in fact there are dozens of books focusing on providing readers with tips, strategies, or explanations on how their beliefs can impact their lives. Now it may seem that I am a "non-believer" in the power of positive thinking, or a skeptic when it comes to the "Law of Attraction" but I'm not... In fact, I must admit that I have several of those books on my own book shelf. Because, I do believe that how we act and think, what we believe and hold true in our hearts, will have an impact on how we behave and treat others, and how they treat us. Relationships are based on  this and if we can't find goodness in ourselves it will be hard to find goodness in others. If we treat ourselves harshly, we are likely to treat others the same way. So it is important to be kind to ourselves, to forgive our shortcomings, accept our imperfections, celebrate our efforts, even if we don't succeed... And to surround ourselves with others that can do the same. 

Here is a blessing hoping that you can surround yourself with a friend that sees in you a gentle light, that loves you for who you are, and appreciates you for all that makes you special.

A Friendship Blessing

by

John O'Donohue

May you be blessed with good friends,

May you learn to be a good friend to yourself.

May you be able to journey to a place in your soul where there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness. 

May this change you.

May it transfigure that which is negative, distant, or cold in you. 
May you be brought into the real passion, kinship, and affinity of belonging.

May you treasure your friends.

May you be good to them and may you be there for them: may they bring you all the blessings, challenges, truth, and light that you need for your journey.

May you never be isolated.

May you always be in the gentle nest of belonging with your "anam cara". 

Mo Anam Cara: Soul Mates and Leadership

Many cultures have beliefs related to soul-mates. The oldest dates back more than 5,000 years to the legend of the Egyptian Gods Osiris and Isis. The Greek Philosopher Plato (c. 385–380 BC.) talked about how god took one soul and split it into two forms, that of a man and a woman. Similar stories exist in both the Old Testament and the New Testament. Rabbinical literature refers to the soul-mate as a Beshert and Hinduism speaks of the universal soul.

Why my sudden interest in soul-mates, well it is not really a sudden interest. Perhaps, it is the romantic in me, perhaps too many fairy tales, or perhaps it is the fact that I believe I have found my soul-mate... but my latest interest is a result of the fact that I have recently been introduced to the work of John O' Donahue, an Irish Poet and Philosopher. 

In his book, Anam Cara, he describes a Celtic Spiritual tradition.  

 It is believed that the soul radiates all about the physical body, what some refer to as an aura. When you connect with another person and become completely open and trusting with that individual, your two souls begin to flow together. Should such a deep bond be formed, it is said you have found your Anam Cara or soul friend.

Your Anam Cara always accepts you as you truly are, holding you in beauty and light. In order to appreciate this relationship, you must first recognize your own inner light and beauty. This is not always easy to do. The Celts believed that forming an Anam Cara friendship would help you to awaken your awareness of your own nature and experience the joys of others.

According to John O'Donahue, an accomplished Irish poet, philosopher and Catholic priest, "...You are joined in an ancient and eternal union with humanity that cuts across all barriers of time, convention, philosophy and definition. When you are blessed with an anam cara, the Irish believe, you have arrived at that most sacred place: home." 

Information taken from this cite: http://www.basaltheritage.org/anamcaradesigns.com/meaningofaramcara.html

So what do soul-mates (or an Anam Cara) have to do with leadership? Over the past year and half the recurring theme in my leadership training has focused on the one thing that can truly turnaround a school culture... RELATIONSHIPS.

Anam Cara is the supreme relationship. It is a relationship based on the ultimate trust and respect,  it is focused on bringing out the best in others by understand one's self. This type of relationship is only possible when one is self aware, understands who they are, and is ready to share that with others. It is a relationship in which "You are joined in an ancient and eternal union with humanity." 

Many leaders emotionally separate themselves from their employees, they maintain that "professional distance." But perhaps to truly transcend our current limits and to redefine how we will operate our schools in the future, leaders need to connect with the people that they work with, and they may need to connect on a level that is much more personal and relevant. Perhaps this kind of "union with humanity" is what is needed to turn around today's school, so we can truly "cut across all barriers" in order to help all our kids learn and grow to their full human potential.

This post is dedicated to my "Mo Anam Cara," my soul-mate, my best friend, and the one that always inspires me to see things differently.

Take the First Step

"You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." Martin Luther King, Jr.

What does this quote mean to you? What would you need in order to feel comfortable taking that first step? Would you need to have faith, trust, open mindedness, bravery, belief, desire, confidence? Would you need to feel desperate, frustrated, feed up, tired, anxious? Taking that first step could take you away from something or towards something. It could mean the end of one life or the beginning of another. What does this quote mean to you?

Life is about taking first steps and with each one we mark a milestone in our lives... A baby's first step across the room, a five-year old's first step into school, the step across the stage at graduation, across alter, and so many other first steps. With each, there is cause to celebrate as we move from one stage to the next, and it is also a time to reflect upon where we were, and what life was like before those steps were taken.

There have been many first steps in my life and a for a long time, I really wanted to see the whole staircase before I would take that first step. But in the past couple of years, I have come to believe that life isn't about where I will end up, rather it's the journey I will take to get there. Some call me brave or fearless for my willingness to embark on the journey despite not knowing where the future will take me. Some may call me foolish, for not having a clearly defined plan. The truth is it doesn't really matter what others think. I am on a path, I know not where... And yet the journey is grand. In the end, it is the journey that truly matters for it is the journey that defines us, and it is the journey that brings joy and meaning to our life.

Be bold, be brave, be adventurous, be in the moment... And take that step, for life is about living the unknown. So take the first step and see where the staircase leads.

Women in History Who Changed the World

Sometimes we look at what is in front of us and our life feels overwhelming. Perhaps we feel like we can not do this alone, perhaps we question why we are facing such challenges, or perhaps we wonder if we have the ability to live up to the expectations of others. When I find myself in such a position, I often turn to those I love for my pep talk but sometimes I think about the great woman that have come before me... those woman in our history that never let challenges become barriers, that persevered despite the obstacles that they faced. They are woman that changed the world for all of us... woman that help those of us that follow them know we can change the world too.

This post is dedicated to the...

Women in History Who Changed the World

You’ve come a long way, Baby!

We proudly remember some of the heroes and pioneers who shaped our world and changed the course of history. They fought for our rights, struggled to be free of discrimination and stereotypes, and refused to be locked into a role set forth by men, family, and society. They raised babies, but they also raised some hell and broke free of the conventions of the culture.

All women today come into the world on the shoulders of the ones who came before them. From the earliest suffragettes to the first woman to travel to space—and all the delightful and fierce females in between—these woman are the most awesome women in history.

Here are some quote that inspire me to do what I am doing:

"We never know how high we are
Till we are called to rise;
And then, if we are true to plan,
Our statures touch the skies."
— Emily Dickinson

"Aging is not 'lost youth' but a new stage of opportunity and strength."
— Betty Friedan

"I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear."
— Rosa Parks

"Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained."
— Marie Curie

"A woman is the full circle.  Within her is the power to create, nurture, and transform."
— Diane Mariechild

"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any."
— Alice Walker

"Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning."
— Gloria Steinem   

"Don't let anyone rob you of your imagination, your creativity, or your curiosity. It's your place in the world; it's your life. Go on and do all you can with it, and make it the life you want to live."
— Mae C. Jemison

"To me success means effectiveness in the world, that I am able to carry my ideas and values into the world--that I am able to change it in positive ways." 

 — Maxine Hong Kingston

"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security."
— Gail Sheehy

"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try."
— Beverly Sills

"It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret."
— Jackie Joyner-Kersee

"Make a difference about something other than yourselves."
— Toni Morrison

This post reprinted from the this site: Inspiring Quotes from Woman

Did you have a year that matters?

In January 2013, I read one of Umair Hague's blogs in the Harvard Business Review. It was called  "How to have a year that matters."  In the article he challenged his readers to ask themselves several questions. Why are you here? What do you want? How much does it matter? What’s it going to take? Who’s on your side? Where’s your true north? What breaks your heart? What’s it worth?

For each question, he offered his thoughts, which were intended to challenge his readers to reflect. As I reflect on my own year, I wanted to share with you both his thoughts and my own, and perhaps in doing so it will lead you to reflect on your own year,  your life, and the decisions you will make in the new year.

 Why are you here?  Hague offers the suggestion that we are here to live a life that feels fully worth living. I agree with Hague, a life worth living... One that has purpose, one that positions us to do good for others, one that surrounds us with the people that mean the most to us, one in which we wake each day excited to see what awaits us. Too often we live our lives taking things and people for granted. We think that our life will always be the way it is now, but the truth is without attention, work, and care we risk losing those things that matter most. Instead we need to remember that if we truly value what we have, we need to work everyday to keep it. Each day is a gift, we do not know what tomorrow will hold so we need to take advantage of every moment we have with those we care the most about... by  cultivating and caring for those relationships with mentors, friends, and loved ones we can ensure that we have a life worth living.

What do you want? Hague wants to make a difference, to build that which counts, to experience what’s true, to do stuff that matters. Well said Umair. I agree completely!! What I want is to live a life with purpose, surrounded by positive people that want to love and be loved, to experience life to its fullest and most importantly, to make a difference in our world. For me, that starts with those around me, the kids in my school, the teachers I work with, those I advise, train, support, and mentor. Gandhi said, be the change you want to see in the world. The change I want to see in the world involves our kids, not just my own, but all of our kids, especially those that face a world of challenges... Because it is those kids that need us the most.  Understanding what I want has not come easy though, at different times in my life, I would have found it difficult to say what is was that I truly wanted. I was trapped in the day to day grind of doing work, but it wasn't until I began to reflect on the work I was doing that I realized I wasn't doing the right work. To truly live life to the fullest, you need to look beyond the limited scope of yourself and your own perspective, you need to begin to see a bigger picture, see possibilities, to see potential in people, and to see potential in yourself. When I moved beyond a life focused on status and stuff and moved towards a life full of meaning and purpose, I began to experience more clarity and gained a greater understanding of what I really wanted out of life. I owe some of that to people who saw in me more than I saw myself, people that believed I was capable of doing and being more than I was. That gave me confidence to step outside of the box I had created for myself, my safety zone, and once I did, my world opened up and I am a different person because of that, because of them.

How much does it matter?  Hague believes it means a lot if you want this to be a year that one day you don’t just remember, but that you still savor. My life over the past year has been one of amazing highs and devastating lows. Challenges that tested me to the very core of my being and rewards to bring me to great heights. Professional success on the heels of personal loss. My father, a very strong man, one that encouraged me to never give up on my dreams, and often served as my motivating force in this professional journey became very ill in March and in early October his body and his spirit grew too tired to continue to fight, he passed peacefully with my mother at his side. Much of the past year, I spent trying to balance the demands of full time work, full time school, and visits in and out of the intensive care unit. I reflect on all that has happened over the year, all the successes can easily be dulled by the sadness of my loss and yet the memory of my father and his belief that life must go on prevents me from allowing loss to cast a shadow on the light that shines within, a light I know he will help me continue to share with those around me... so how much does it matter? It matters a lot!

What’s it going to take?  Hague explains that you don’t get to a life well lived using tired capabilities. You need to “use” not just your whole mind, but to learn to employ your whole being: mind, heart, soul, and body and the arts of empathy, humility, passion, imagination, and rebellion. Based on my life this past year, I would add resiliency, perseverance, and patience. Thankfully, I have been able to muster much of what has been needed to do what it takes. However, it would be unfair to not give credit to those that have been by my side in this journey; my family, my friends, my co-workers and mentor, and the man that has served as my source of strength when I think I can't handle one more burden, my confidence when I think I can't take on one more task, he keeps me calm when my life seems out of control, he is my best friend, and the love of my life. While I know it takes an internal strength and determination to accomplish your goals, having a person in your life that truly believes in you and helps you be the best person you can be makes the challenges we may face a lot easier to deal with.

Who’s on your side?  Hague explains if you’re going to make a difference, you’re probably not going to make it happen all by your lonesome. Instead he challenges us to inspire and connect — and then, harder still, evoke the best in people. For it is the best in us that, in turn, elevates our capacity to love; the truest currency of a life well lived. And so respect is earned — and love given — not just to those who pander, but those who matter. As you can tell, what it takes and who is on your side overlap for me because I believe that "What it takes" can only be accomplished when we connect to others, we can't do anything alone. We all need other people in our life, otherwise we are not really living a life with purpose and meaning. So who is on my side... lots of people! I have been very fortunate to have several mentors guide my professional career, friends to make the journey a little easier, and loved ones to help keep me sane along the path. But with all of the challenges I have faced in the past few years, I think the one that has helped me the most is the man in my life. But whenever I try to credit him for my success, he tells me that he simply helped me believe in myself enough to allow what was always inside of me to shine through.  He truly is my hero.

Where’s your true north?  Hague asks in what direction do you find the stuff that makes life “good”? For me true north points in the direction of the people I love. In the end it is not the job we do that matters, it is not the money we make or the stuff we have, rather it is the love we share with others that will determine the richness of our lives. If my father taught me anything in his last months with us, it was the importance of being with the people we care most about, so my true north will always take me towards them.

What breaks your heart?  Hague also asks, what is it that breaks your heart about the world? It’s there that you begin to find what moves you. Look at a someone that has lost hope, that feels that their life lacks meaning or purpose, that they have no value... That breaks my heart. When that person is a child or someone I love... the heartache is beyond explanation.

What’s it worth?  Hague explains that a life well lived is going to take more than the tired old refrains of hard work, dedication, commitment, and perseverance. It’s going to take very real heartbreak, sorrow, grief, and disappointment. Only you can decide how much is too much. Is it worth it? The day my father passed away I was in class. He was in the hospital but we all expected him to recover from the pnemonia that was the cause of last visit to the emergency room. My brother was at the hospital and told me that he was resting easily and that he would stay with my father until I could join him after class. My father passed without ever waking from his morning slumber. I battled with my own sense of guilt about how I should have been there instead of being in school. Yet it was my father that made me promise not to let his illness prevent me from finishing this program, telling me he would never forgive himself if I quit (he was really good a dishing out the Jewish guilt!) So he would not have been happy to have had me miss class to be there. Is this worth it? My time in this program interferes with the time I have to spend with loved ones and family. Is it worth it? Sometimes I wonder. And then, I remember how my father cried when he saw me in my cap and gown and told me how he has never been more proud of me because the work I was doing would change the lives of kids that really needed me. And then I think of my daughter telling me how I inspire her to succeed, because if I can do this then she can. And then I think of my incredible man that tells me how proud he is of me and how I am the bravest woman he has ever met because I am not afraid to pursue my dreams. And I stop wondering if it is worth it... because, as hard as it is, as much as I have had to sacrifice, with the sorrow and grief, it IS WORTH IT.

This reflection was an attempt to determine if I had a year that matters. I have... it has been wonderful and terrible, challenging, and exhausting... but I am living a life that matters, full of purpose and meaning. I do not know what the coming year will bring but considering the past year I think I am up for whatever may come my way. And whatever that is, I know I will make sure that it matters.

Did you have a year that mattered? If not, what are you going to do this year to make sure that you do?