That's NOT What I Meant- The Problems with Miscommunication

I've been reading a book called "Organizational Behavior" by Osland, Kolb, Rubin, and Turner...a 700+ page monster of a book that is based on an experiment that originally took place at MIT more than 35 years ago, although the book I am reading is actually the 8th edition.  This book, presented in  be a workbook format, is designed to help leaders diagnose organizational situations, identify effective action strategies, and provide the skills necessary to carry out appropriate actions.

OK, so who cares? And what does this all have to do with communication?

Well one of the "themes" in the book focuses on Communication. Ironically enough, despite the fact that I have been studying this theme in class for the last 5 weeks, I have had several situations in the last few days that could very well be defined as Miscommunication Debacles!

Normally, I would consider myself to be an intelligent person that not only carefully considers information, but generally is able to retain and apply what I have read. So the fact that we have been focusing on effective communication, you would think that I would be able to articulate my ideas clearly and concisely. Well, apparently... NOT!

Let me explain... and perhaps in the process, I can save some of you from  Miscommunication Debacles. You see, it is important to remember that the words that are spoken are only part of communication. Dr. Mehrabian, a professor at the University of California, did research on the effectiveness of communication.   

Mehrabian's findings were as follows:

• 7% of message pertaining to the words that are spoken.
• 38% of message pertaining to the way that the words are said.
• 55% of message pertaining to feelings and attitudes is in facial expression or non-verbal communication.

Organization Behavior also discusses how influences such as social identity, perceptual distortion, and cultural influences can affect how people relate to others as they communicate. In a discussion with my peers in class today, we talked about the "Baggage" each of us brings into a relationship that colors our perspective.


And here in lies my problem... I am usually pretty good at separating myself and my personal baggage from the communication exchanges that take place between myself and other professionals. However, when in comes to personal conversations, I am not always so good! In comes the baggage... AND the miscommunication. I interpret words one way, even though they were intended to mean something completely different. I convey a message in which I meant one thing, and it was taken completely differently. Then feelings get hurt, things get blown out of proportion, and I am in full blown "Debacle Mode!"

So what are the lessons to be learned from this?
1. Maybe I need to quit separating myself from what I am learning about leadership- start applying it to my "real-life" as well as my professional life.
2. Make sure I ALWAYS recognize that the words are only 7% of the communication- so be aware of the other 93%!
3. Be clear, make sure I am understanding what they mean and that they understand what I mean.
4. Remember I have 2 ears and only 1 mouth- so I should listen twice as much as I talk!
5. Remember I am not perfect, I will make mistakes- so will they- So be ready to apologize when needed and accept apologies when they are give.
6. Most importantly, ALWAYS remember that relationships worth keeping are worth the time it takes to understand one another.

On a positive note... at least My Miscommunication Debacle didn't end like this...